Sunday, March 30, 2014

Living after Life

One of my very first memories was back in 1969.
The year my baby sister was born.
I remember my Mom being very pregnant.

 Back then woman were confined to their homes because
they did not want to be seen in that condition .
My Mom was no exception.

 One day we were out of some sort of grocery at home, and she could not wait for Dad to get home.
So she and I had to walk down to the closest convenient store.
She put on this large, large long coat.
I remembered how she fussed over being noticed by others in her obvious condition.
It was simply unheard of in her world.  It made her uncomfortable.

Fast forward 15 years later, she was in her fifties.
And going through her change.  Menopause.

I am at that age now that she was then, and am still waiting for my menopause to start.
Nothing has changed....I am still the same ol' Diane.
Anyway, let's get back to Mom.

She was going through a soul searching period.  A quiet phase.
She tried new recipes, she experimented with make-up.  She dated frequently.
She talked.  And she talked.  I listened.
I remember hours spent at the kitchen table, we would talk for hours,
well into the wee hours of the night.
She would say to me, be your own woman Diane.  Stay true to that.
Live off the land and learn off life.

Now that I am in my 50's, I see she was right.  I do see life differently.
I see now what she saw then.
When you get to your 50's you evaluate your life.
You dissect what you did in the past.
Then you shape and form it to establish it's meaning, and what effect it had on you. 
And how it effects you today.  What you learned from it.

I don't try new recipes, but I read more frequently now.  Things that I was never interested in before.
I do not experiment with make-up, but I live and eat more healthy.
I date some, maybe less now than before.  However, I am little more choosier now than before.
I remember a guy I dated a few years back, the first time he mentioned having children
 I ran so fast for the hills and never looked back.  Love kids, but my time for raising babies are over.
I'm ready for grandchildren now.
Never dated him again.  Too bad because he was rather handsome!

Among one of  many topics Mom discussed, was what happens to you when you die.
 She was raised Christian with Christian beliefs, but now had a new, different theory.
That when we die, we keep coming back until we are perfect enough to get into heaven.
I do believe this is a Buddhism or similar religion belief.
She said that if you have or feel an extreme connection to something or someplace,
chances are you were connected at one time.  In another life perhaps.

Based on Mom's theory, I would guess I have come back a few times.
I think I was a slave that died in the late 1800's.
 I believe I died on the Titanic.
And I also died on the fields of WWII.

Reincarnation?  Maybe.
Do I believe in ghosts.  I'm not really sure.
 I mean really, anything is possible in this big old world.
But it is hard to believe in something you can not see.  Something you can not touch.
But I suppose it is just as doable as feeling a reincarnation connection.
Interesting what you think of when you hit your 50's.
Or maybe it is just me.  Maybe I am just weird!

Ahh....the ramblings of a dateless, makeup-less, soul searching reincarnated woman!



  1. I am curious as to where you lived. I am 59 and the oldest of several born in the 50's and early 60's and women went out pregnant, worked, entertained, etc. where I lived. It was joyously celebrated and not hidden in the least. In fact, even pregnant girls attended my HS and we did not think that much about it. I remember my second grade teacher being due on my May birthday and every day watching and hoping she would make it to my birthday. She had her baby on Mother's Day (she knew my desire to share a BD with her baby) and told me that it made a happy grandma, but that she would give the baby my middle name. I was thrilled.

  2. I agree with Donna our Mother too no need to hide it was celebrated her in Southern California, I am one of 7 children so needless to say mother was pregnant a lot. I do believe in ghosts, my loved ones that have passed watching out of me~

  3. Diane, wish I could sit and have tea with you and discuss life, philosophy, religion, politics. You are a special soul. xo Jen

  4. I've been wondering every now and then if some of weirdest fear where linked to something that would have happened in a previous life... Maybe it's because I'm dateless and make-up less!

  5. My step father and I were very close and the day he passed away my husband and I rushed to the hospital to be with him. The second I walked into his hospital room I went over to him when he took my hand, said I love you and then passed away. He had waited for me. He was a bird lover and the very moment my mother laid his ashes to rest in the ocean a red cardinal flew back and forth in front of my picture window for at least 20 minutes. That was 20 years ago and to this day a red cardinal visits me daily in my backyard. My mother who had come to live with us passed away in our home. After her death she made her presence very known, doors would open and slam shut on there own. It was very spooky and this continued until we were able to lay her to rest in the ocean. I never believed in spirits or reincarnation until both my loved ones died, but I certainly do now.